Your partner is putting pressure on you: “Why don’t you commit already?” You feel pressure, and you balk. Your partner says there’s something wrong with you: you’re afraid of commitment. What can you do?
It's hard for you to figure out what to do. On the one hand, you’d like to please your partner. Or, at the very least, to stop the pressure. But you also feel wary. You become extremely sensitive to the problems in the relationship, to the risks involved... With those feelings, avoiding commitment feels to you like a very rational reaction.
It is normal to feel uncomfortable making important decisions under pressure. But your partner feels this is just a cover. Your partner sees you as trying to wiggle out of making a commitment.
Now, this is a delicate situation. What are you going to trust: your perceptions, or trust that your partner knows better what's good for you?
You do need space to figure this out. But the sort of space I'm talking about is not the kind of endless postponements that drive your partner crazy. It is the mental space of looking within yourself to find out
Now, this is a delicate situation. What are you going to trust: your perceptions, or trust that your partner knows better what's good for you?
You do need space to figure this out. But the sort of space I'm talking about is not the kind of endless postponements that drive your partner crazy. It is the mental space of looking within yourself to find out how you truly feel.
This is not about doing something to please your partner. This is about taking care of yourself.
You need to figure out what YOU want. If you’re unable to do so, it’s not just your partner that you’re hurting... You’re doing a disservice to yourself. How can you live without knowing what you want? Is this the only area of your life where you don’t know what you really want?
What happens next is you start a process of asking yourself questions, of understanding yourself better. You owe it to yourself to know what you want.
How do we evaluate our ability to make a long-term commitment? How do we know if he/she is really ready or willing?
There are only two real issues here to examine.
The first issue involves looking at a true fear of commitment itself. If this is the problem it's important for the person with this fear to ask themselves a few key questions.
