Friendship - how to make new friends
Friendships are an important part of life, but many of us find it difficult to find, make or keep friends. Life events, such as moving to another neighbourhood, starting a job or having a baby, can isolate us from our former support group and make forging new friendships more important than ever. In other cases, shyness or poor social skills can prevent us from taking the first step in forming a friendship. This article offers practical suggestions that may help you to expand your social circle or reinforce the relationships you already have.
- Priming yourself for friendship
You may want friendship, but what kind of friend would you make? Factors to consider include:
- Attitudes to others - we can drive potential friends away by demanding they share our attitudes, beliefs or behaviours. If you accept that other people have a right to be different from you, then you open yourself up to the possibility of experiencing relationships that bring a fresh perspective to your life.
- Treatment of other people - think about how you like to be treated, then offer the same to the people in your life.
- Don't expect instant results - good friends aren't made overnight. Sharing your deepest secrets in one night won't necessarily create a close friendship. It may even drive the other person away. Take it slowly. Divulge 'safe' secrets first, and allow the relationship to hold some weight before you share the meatier issues in your life.
- Curb the urge to criticise - constantly griping about the failures and weaknesses of other people can make your listener feel wary of you. How do they know you aren't complaining about their flaws to other friends?
- Don't gossip - potential friends aren't going to trust you if you constantly gossip to them about the trials and tribulations of other people in your life.
- Don't compromise yourself - each one of us has standards of morality and behaviour. Don't allow yourself to compromise yourself for the sake of 'fitting in' with a group.
Places to meet friends
Suggestions include:
- Many people make friends at work. Open yourself up to the possibilities by participating in social occasions, such as Friday night drinks or lunches to celebrate employee birthdays.
- Follow your interests. For example, if you like walking, join a neighbourhood walking group.
- If you don't work and have no particular hobbies, consider joining a volunteer group with a charity that interests you.
- Use your existing network of family and friends to meet new people.
- Don't turn down party invitations.
